Tag Archives: misogyny

Dear John: An open letter to Brisbane Sex ‘Punters’

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It’s been some time since I researched the massage forums. You see, it’s not something I get great pleasure from. Reading your discussions about jizzing on Asian massage workers and your jokes about the next bloke copping a taste, isn’t something I particularly enjoy.

However, a few days ago I decided to have a look through the forum, and was surprised to find, that after 18 months, one of you had finally come across my blog.

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I found your discussion about me and my blog fascinating, to say the least. For a start, you were a lot less aggressive and derogatory than I expected. In fact, some of you even applauded my interests in anti-human trafficking, and concerns about women being forced or coerced against their will.

Of course, there were also the typical misogynist rantings about all feminists being angry and ugly. Because, of course! A woman MUST be ugly if she has something to say about society? Yawn.

“Question: Why is every single angry feminist, ugly? Sexual frustration and jealousy of younger better looking women masked as intellectualism.”

Overall,  many of you appear to be ‘normal’ guys. You find child abuse deplorable. You refer to those who push for extras and then don’t tip as ‘the scum of the earth.’ You criticise and talk about the horrible working conditions for many of these girls, who at times get fined by their mamasans for being late, calling in sick, or trying to leave. When a young massage worker is raped, you express anger.

But the main thing I’ve noticed about many of you, is the overwhelming hypocrisy and entitlement.

Dear Punters, no matter whether you treat these girls with abuse, or what you think is respect, you are being cowards. You are trying to offset your involvement onto others: the mamasans, the ‘dirty’ girls who really like it, the money hungry ‘whores’ who look at you like an ATM.

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Yet by your own admission, many of you are married, in relationships, and with kids. You talk about having a second phone (a ‘boner’ phone), about almost getting caught by your wife, and you gloat with your internet buddies about the random women you’ve punted, storing the names of your sexual conquests away in your mind like collectible cards.

Dear ‘Punters’ / Johns. Here is the reality.

Reality 1: You are lying to yourselves if you think you are innocent in this. You are the key for their supply. These women, and their Mamasans (no matter how cruel) would not be operating these shops if not for you. I’ve met some of the women who own these shops, and yes, I can certainly say they are not innocent. But I can also imagine that after going through this industry themselves, they probably welcome a chance not to have to put out for you men all the time. And if you find them so exploitive, why are you paying THEM money? Everytime you go there, you are putting more money in their pockets. But you don’t really care do you…

Reality 2: You don’t deserve paid sex/blowjobs/sex acts just because your wife ‘isn’t up for it’ as much as you are/you don’t have a connection anymore/blah blah blah. In fact, even if your wife is a total bitch, controlling and abusive, you do not get a free pass to cheat. You do not have a right to purchase someone to make you feel good. Get honest with yourself, stop being a coward, and leave your wife. Don’t want to be married? Then get a divorce. Want to be in an open relationship? Choose someone who is open to that. I would say the same to a woman.

Reality 3: You are not ‘helping’ these girls. You might think that you are a hero and that they are the ones using you (and most certainly, some will, because what other job options are screaming out for their poor English and low skill set?), but as I’ve said in other blogs, if you really cared about those less fortunate you would connect them with networks, people and organisations that could help them get ahead and truly experience Australia for all that it is. You are not helping them, you are helping yourself and using your position in society to justify it.

Imagine yourself living in another country, hardly able to speak the language of those around you, with little money or opportunity…now imagine that someone tells you about a way you can make money, with no experience necessary. You might have to masturbate some men or do other things, but hey, it’s better than having to have sex with them right? You’d probably be repulsed. But if that’s your only option, then you make the most of it.

Although, I’d hardly call that ‘choice’. 

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At the end of the day, whether a girl truly enjoys what she is doing to you or not, you have noone to blame for you being there other than you. You don’t really care about the wellbeing of these women, just as you don’t care about your partners, wives or children.

We all have our flaws, our addictions, our temptations. But we all have the power to overcome them. Until you/we stop shifting the blame and take responsibility you will never be free of addiction. You don’t have to keep living this way, wasting money and cheating yourself of true intimacy and financial security  because of an addiction.

If you want to get help, the first step is to tell someone you can trust and find an accountability partner. The next step is to seek treatment and get rid of the things that exacerbate your temptation – that means getting rid of your second phone, installing anti porn blockers on your phone and computer, and deleting your forum accounts.

Yes, it will be hard. But it’s not impossible. Many men have done it before you, and many more will. And I say this wholeheartedly: Please get yourself help.

Need help with your relationship or addictions?

Mensline – 1300 78 99 78   http://www.mensline.org.au/

Feed The Right Wolf A site with lots of resources for those suffering sex addiction; including recovery coaching, a free 30 day trial of ”Covenant Eyes” (filtering software), and allows you to take sex addiction self-analysis tests. It also includes a forum where you can discuss your struggles or victories. There’s some really encouraging stories on there from men who have recovered (and young teenagers).

Sex Addiction Australia “A Sydney and Internet based national service and a professional sex therapist and specialist sex addiction therapy private practise. We provide confidential clinical sex addiction counselling and sex therapy for sexual addictions and sexual compulsive behaviours, for sexual dysfunctions, sexual health and safer sex, and we update you with sex addiction research & information.”

SA Aus also provides support to partners of men/women suffering from sex addiction. E: info@sexaddictionaustralia.com.au or call 02 9380 4486

Sex Addicts Anonymous includes information on meetings you can attend in various countries – including Australia (VIC/NSW/QLD)

Sexual Control Helping individuals with sex addictions since 1983, this site also allows you to download the book ”The most personal addiction” for free.

Fight The New Drug – Simple & clear information on how porn affects the brain, damages relationships, and how you can break free of addiction.

For interesting reading about the effects of Porn on your brain and whether it’s having a negative impact on your life/relationship, see this recent post from Triple J Hack. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Open Letter to Black Throne Tattoo – Ditch Ryan Parsons!

Note: This is a follow up email in response to the recent behaviour of Ryan Parsons, an employee of Black Throne Tattoo. BTT have stated that they do NOT endorse or support Parsons behaviour. I would also like to note now, that if I receive hate mail and threats from followers of Parsons, it will only serve to prove the impact of his misogynistic comments (which he deems, a joke).
To see the previous story, click here.
June 2nd, 2014
Hi Clint,
While I respect your help and apologies so far, I am greatly disappointed with Ryan Parsons’ apology (see picture attached). It simply sounded as if he were saying, “I got in trouble but I don’t think I should have, but I have to apologise, so I wrote this, but screw everyone because I do what I want.’
There was nothing in Parsons ‘apology’ that sounded remotely sorry, or ’provoked debate’ in a healthy way – as he suggested.
If Ryan had made a thought-provoking comment such as, ‘I’ve seen a lot of violence toward women in the news lately – do you think we need a culture change?’ or ‘What do people think about the need for greater equality?’ those would have been questions which ‘encouraged discussion.’
What Parsons did, was to make bold, misogynist comments, which did not create healthy discussion or show in any way that ‘he respects women’. They created a lot of trolling, and whenever a woman tried to speak up to say that she was upset with what Parsons had written, she was called by Parsons, or other men, all sorts of horrible things. One man’s response was: ‘Too damn funny. Look at all the comments of the angry girls with dirty peaches. Haha struggles real.’ – this was posted under Parsons ‘Vagisil’ drawings. Similarly, Parsons told a woman to ‘buy some cream smelly pants!’
Nothing in his responses has shown respect to women.
When it comes to Black Throne Tattoo, I have nothing against the shop or staff such as yourself, as I have only seen professional responses from yourself, and heard good reports from customers. I make it clear now that I do not encourage boycott’s of your shop, but I do expect you to take responsibility for the actions of your staff, and therefore am calling on you to uphold your store values and fire Ryan Parsons.
Parsons is a reflection of your store. If you state that you will not tattoo people with poor attitudes, or tattoo anything that is racist, why would you employ someone who makes hate-speech against women and insults customers?
If I were to walk around my workplace saying ‘Fuck aborigine rights! Bash Abo’s!’ I would be fired on the spot (and so should anyone who would say something so disgusting). If I turned around and said, ’Lolz, I was just joking. I love and respect indigenous people – I was just provoking discussion,’ no one would take that seriously.
No-one can honestly take Parsons seriously.
I am calling on BTT to take responsibility for your business, and ditch Parsons. Should BTT fail to act promptly, I will not hesitate to take this further.
Please act now and ensure that your business is not affected negatively.
Thank you again,
Regards,

Sheenah

Brisbane Tattoo artist calls on followers to ”Bash Women” & “Fuck Women’s Rights”

TRIGGER WARNING – GRAPHIC CONTENT AND IMAGERY DISCUSSING SEXUAL ABUSE

Yesterday morning I was at the gym when I heard the news headlines for the day. They included the regular stories – the increased cost of living, the budget, the economy, cute little ‘fluff stories’, and of course, the news that another woman had been murdered.

The news report told of a Chinese woman’s body being found naked and injured in Melbourne city, assaulted by a man who had been ‘living rough’  on the streets. She was simply walking to work when she was sexually assaulted and murdered.

Before I even had time to adjust to this news, I was bombarded with more stories of violence against women.  Following this report came news updates that Gerard Baden-Clay was still pleading ‘Not Guilty’ to murdering his wife Alison, whom he was cheating on, along with reports that Oscar Pistorius  was pleading mental insanity to shooting dead his girlfriend.

And despite the overwhelming daily news reports that violence against women is impacting on millions of women every day worldwide (such as the 200+ Nigerian school girls who are still missing), still it seems that many are too desensitised by a culture of violence, misogyny and sexism, to see that violence against women is a serious issue. If you need more proof, just look at the Elliot Rodger fan pages for evidence.

Perhaps one of the worst displays of hatred toward women that I saw yesterday however, was that of a local Brisbane tattoo artist named Ryan Parsons who thought it would be funny to upload one of his designs to Instagram. The image, which featured a naked woman head first in a dumpster, with her hands bound, her shoes strewn on the ground, and a bird feasting on her genitals, was hash-tagged ‘fuck women’s rights’ and ‘bash women’.

Not one to just focus on women, he also made a homophobic slur, by complaining that “some homo” had reported his image.

Note: image has been censored by myself for this post.

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Equally disturbing, was that this was not simply a design – it was a photograph of a real tattoo he had put on someone’s body. I wasn’t sure whether to be more repulsed that  someone had brainstormed such an image into existence, or that someone agreed to tattoo it on an individual. I later found out that this image was in fact (according to Parsons) designed by, and tattooed onto, a woman.

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Without being able to speak to this woman myself, I will not pretend that I know what is going on in her mind or what this means to her (other than what Parsons himself has disclosed), however I still find the imagery highly disturbing, If Parsons is indeed telling the truth, then I also find it highly disturbing that this woman encouraged him to send out a giant ‘fuck you’ to women and their rights to safety.

Customers and social-media users were outraged, and rightly so.

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After many complaints, the image was removed; however Parsons then uploaded the following “community service’’ announcement, with the patronising title “let’s have a little hug” – clearly intended as a follow up to his last post which he was made to remove.

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It seems that Ryan views the assault of a woman, left to rot in a dumpster while animals eat her organs, as ‘’satire’’.

Considering the rise in female tattoo customers, it seems odd that Ryan would purposefully choose to alienate and enrage a huge section of his client base – especially since he has a girlfriend whom, it would seem, he cares for and respects very much.

While certain social media users jumped to his defense, labeling him a loving father and “the loveliest person’’, there was no grey-area. Parsons himself, with his comments, hash tags and designs, made it perfectly clear that women, their safety, and their rights are not to be respected.

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Individuals such as Ryan are a giant embarrassment not only to society, but also on the Tattoo industry. As many social-media users (including customers) noted, the tattoo industry already has a dubious reputation which it has been fighting to change. It is such a shame that individuals like Parsons are choosing to further this stigma and make it harder for their own industry.

“There are amazing tattoo artists who work there that most likely don’t share the same views as Ryan and have families to feed. They don’t deserve the backlash…” wrote one customer. “[I have been] to the shop multiple times and would hate to see it get a bad rep because of one guy. There’s enough bad reputation around the tattoo industry already.”

Although my initial train of thought was for people to boycott Black Throne Tattoo, I quickly realised that the actions of Ryan Parsons are not necessarily conducive of the business. While the responses I saw online were highly negative toward Parsons and his attitudes, many suggested that Black Throne be given the opportunity to respond to the behaviour of their employee. One girl tried contacting Black Throne on Instagram and received a message from Black Throne Tattoo’s Clint Steele, condemning the actions of Parsons.

“I’d like to apologise for the post and the offence it has caused. Myself and my business partner in no way condone Ryan’s actions and we were the ones that asked him to remove it. My apologies,” wrote Steele.

While it was good to hear that Steele did not support the actions of his employee, iat the time that his comment was issued I found it somewhat disappointing to see that he decided to issue the apology in a way in which noone else would see. Instead of replying to the comment on his business’ page, he went onto the Instagram user’s personal page, chose a random photo, and posted the apology there. In a way, it suggests that Black Throne are not ready to publicly display their condemnation of Ryan Parsons, but are instead only offering ‘discreet’ apologies.

As I had seen a lot of support and praise for Steele and other artists at Black Throne by women in my community, I thought I would give the company the opportunity to share their views before assuming that they supported Parsons. I sent an email to Clint explaining that many in the community were upset by his coworkers behavior, but also making it clear that I understood his actions may not necessarily reflect the ethics of the entire company.

I received the below reply:

From: clintsteele68@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Complaint regarding Ryan Parsons
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2014 15:24:11 +1000

Hello Sheenah,

Ryan will be posting an apology today.
Black Throne Tattoo in no way supports Misogyny or violence of any kind.
The posts put up by Ryan were his own doing on his own social media.
Thanks
Clint
At present I have been really pleased with the way in which BTT (Black Throne Tattoo) have responded so far, and am hopeful that Parsons will not only issue an apology, but that he will also come to understand why his behaviour was so offensive and dangerous.

As one user suggested, perhaps this will help to bring about important discussion and help dispel some myths about the tattoo industry – if it is indeed handled professionally.

“This could actually be an opportunity for the tattoo community to help dispel some of the negativity associated with the industry by collectively saying, ‘Hey! This is not what we’re about and we do not support this. This is awful and should rightly be condemned.'””

I could have taken this story to the media, but at the end of the day, I have been satisfied so far with how BTT have responded. I write this blog not because I want to take down BTT or see their business suffer, but because I want to highlight a dangerous issue, the crux of which is that we live in a culture which excuses rape and violence as ”entertainment”.

It is unfortunate that so many men and women still see VAW as something to joke about… something to tattoo on their bodies…something to serve forever as a reminder that abuse is  ‘just a joke.’

So long as individuals such as Parsons continue to post dangerous and harmful messages, there will always remain a need to call-out such behaviour. With so much violence in our world, when will we decide that enough is enough?

– SQ

End note: [6:47pm] I am yet to see Parsons official apology, but I am hopeful that it will be issued.

[9:00pm] I saw the apology issued by Parsons, and have to say that he proved a lot of people right. His ‘apology’ is barely that, and sounds more like he got smacked by management and issued a ‘I got in trouble so I have to apologise – but fuck you and fuck them’ response. There was nothing in his original post which encouraged a healthy discussion of the problem that is violence against women…it was a one-dimensional post meant to anger women and cause offense. Parsons is so deluded it is not even funny.

If you would like to raise these issues with BTT – please email clintsteele68@gmail.com

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